


BeedaJuice

by JuiceDemon69



Category: Beetlejuice - Perfect/Brown & King, The Owl House (Cartoon)
Genre: Based On The Beetlejuice Musicals Dc Run, Beetlejuice AU, Eda Is Beetlejuice, based on fanart, beetlejuice musical, death lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:01:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29835009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JuiceDemon69/pseuds/JuiceDemon69
Summary: BeedaJuice tells the story of Amity Blight, a strange and unusual teenager obsessed with the whole “being dead thing.” Lucky for Amity, her new house is haunted by a recently deceased couple and BeedaJuice, a delightful demon with a real zest for life. When Luz calls on BeedaJuice to scare away anyone with a pulse, this double-crossing specter shows her true stripes, unleashing a (Nether)world of pandemonium, and the biggest sandworm A03 has ever seen.
Kudos: 3





	BeedaJuice

Thunder. Lightning. Lights up on A GRAVEYARD. In the distance, high on a hill, we can just make out a late Victorian Farmhouse.  
A group of MOURNERS, BLACK UMBRELLAS raised high, carry a casket through the aisle toward the stage as they sing.  
They reach and open grave and a PRIEST steps forward-- 

AH AH AH  
AH AH AH  
AH AH AH  
AH AH AH AH AH  
SOME MOURNERS AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH AH  
MOURNERS  
OTHER MOURNERS DIES IRAE DIES ILLA DOMINE DIES IRAE DIES ILLA PIE JSUS DOMINE AMEN 

MOURNERS HUM HUM HUM HUM HUM HUM HUM HUM HUM HUM HUM HUM HUM HUM PRIEST Dearly beloved... we come together today to mourn the passing of Emily Deetz. Beloved wife. Devoted mother... When such an extraordinary life is cut so tragically short, we take comfort in knowing that someday... we will see them again.  
Beedajuice (O.S.)  
Maybe! But first... you're gonna see ME!  
(An ANTHEMIC ROCK FANFARE as PURPLE SMOKE  
erupts and a spotlight hits Beedajuice who  
rises out of the ground in all her black-and white-striped glory.) 

AH AH  
AH AH AH 

.(The mourners DON'T SEE Her.  
After a long beat--)  
Beedajuice  
(melodramatic)  
Welcome... to Death of a Salesman!  
(then, to the wings)  
What's that? Oh, I didn't book it? Then fuck it, let's pdo this.  
(MUSIC IN.)  
Beedajuice (cont'd)  
HEY FOLKS! BEGGIN’ YOUR PARDON  
‘SCUSE ME! SORRY TO BARGE IN!  
BUT LET’S SKIP THE TEARS  
AND START ON THE WHOLE, YA KNOW  
“BEING DEAD” THING  
DEATH IS SO MY OEUVRE  
I MAKE CROSSING OVER SMOOTHER  
TRY TO THINK OF ME AS LUBE FOR  
THE HOLE, (heh!) YOU KNOW,  
THE WHOLE “BEING DEAD” THING!  
WHEN YOU’RE DEAD YA GETS REGRETS  
"WE SHOULDA CARPE’D WAY MORE DIEMS  
NOW WE’RE NEVER GONNA SEE ‘EM  
I CAN SHOW YOU WHAT COMES NEXT  
SO DON’T BE FREAKED,  
STAY IN YOUR SEATS,  
I DO THIS BULLSHIT LIKE EIGHT TIMES A WEEK.  
THERE IS NO HEAVEN,  
THERE’S NO HELL,  
NO MEANING FAR AS I CAN TELL.  
ARE YOU DEPRESSED? YOU SHOULD BE!  
MOURNERS  
WELCOME TO A SHOW ABOUT DEATH!  
Beedajuice  
YOU’RE... YOU’RE GONNA BE FINE ON THE OTHER SIDE (DIE MOTHERFUCKER DIE MOTHERFUCKER DIE!)  
I’LL... I’LL BE YOUR GUIDE TO THE OTHER SIDE IT’S PART OF THE DEAD THING! 

DIES IRAE  
MOURNERS 

Beedajuice  
DEATH IS NOT THE EASIEST SO DON’T BE NERVOUS  
OBLIVION CAN REALLY MAKE A GIRL FEEL WORTHLESS  
EVERYBODY NEEDS A GOOD TRANSITION SERVICE  
WHEN THEY PASS  
THAT’S ME!  
I COME WITH THE “DEAD THING”! 

Beedajuice  
DEATH CAN HAVE ITS UPS AND DOWNS  
MOURNERS 

"MY POLIO’S COMPLETELY  
CURED!"  
"I LEFT MY BABY UNINSURED!" 

STICK WITH ME I’LL SHOW YOU ‘ROUND  
MY SOCIAL SKILLS ARE RUSTY I SMELL A LITTLE MUSTY MY MOUTH’S A LITTLE CRUSTY BUT YOU JUST HAVE TO TRUST ME!  
DIES ILLA  
AH  
AH  
AH AH  
AH AH AH AH 

MOURNERS (cont'd)  
WELCOME TO A SHOW ABOUT DEATH!  
Beedajuice  
YOU’RE... YOU’RE GONNA BE FINE...  
Hey, oh. Thank you!  
ON THE OTHER SIDE...  
(Pre-recorded applause)  
Beedajuice (cont'd)  
Thank you very much. On! Lookin’ good!  
Good to see ya!  
I’LL... I’LL BE YOUR GUIDE...  
Okay, that’s probably too much.  
TO THE OTHER SIDE.  
It’s patronizing now, okay? Just quit it...  
SERIOUSLY THOUGH THIS IS A SHOW ABOUT DEATH.  
(He jumps into the open grave. The MOURNERS  
part to reveal a girl. This is Amity.)  
Amity  
YOU’RE INVISIBLE WHEN YOU’RE SAD  
CLOCKS TICK AND PHONES STILL RING  
THE WORLD CARRIES ON LIKE MAD  
BUT NOBODY SEES A THING  
WHISPERING BEHIND THEIR HANDS  
LOST FOR KIND WORDS TO SAY  
NOBODY UNDERSTANDS  
THEN EVERYONE GOES AWAY  
(She lays a flower on the casket, looks over  
at her father, CHARLES, who looks away.)  
Luz (cont'd)  
GROWN UPS WANT TO FIX THINGS  
WHEN THEY CAN’T IT ONLY FILLS THEM WITH SHAME  
SO THEY JUST LOOK AWAY  
IS IT BEING GREEDY TO NEED SOMEBODY  
TO SEE ME AND SAY MY NAME?  
SEEMS WHEN YOU LOSE YOUR MOM  
NO ONE TURNS OFF THE SUN  
FOLKS CARRY ON AND THAT’S THAT  
YOU’RE INVISIBLE WHEN YOU’RE SAD  
(One last moment with casket, Amity walks  
away. Beedajuice hauls herself up out of the  
grave.)  
Beedajuice  
Holy shit! A ballad already!? This show’s got everything! (sings)  
YOU’RE JUST GONNA LOVE THE FOLKS HERE  
EVERYBODY’S DEAD SO EVERYBODY SMOKES HERE  
EVERY DAY I DO, LIKE, A TON OF COKE HERE THE WHOLE--(She snorts a TON of coke.)  
“BEING DEAD” THING!  
(A PLUME of coke powder.) 

Beedajuice (cont'd)  
THE NIGHTLIFE’S HIP, SINATRA PLAYS HERE  
ORGIES LAST FOR SEVERAL DAYS HERE  
PEOPLE TEND TO GO BOTH WAYS HERE  
THEY’RE LIKE, “YOLO!” THE WHOLE “BEING DEAD” THING!  
TOSS THAT BODY IN THE PIT "GOSH IT’S AWFUL"  
"AIN’T IT TRAGIC?"  
“BLAH BLAH BIBLE JESUS MAGIC!”  
Beedajuice  
WHEN YOU’RE DEAD WHO GIVES A SHIT?  
NO PILATES  
NO MORE YOGA  
NAMASTE", YOU Fucking POSERS

MOURNERS (cont'd)  
AH 

Beedajuice(Mourners)  
BABY, WHEN YOU’RE  
TOAST YOU’RE TOAST  
AND I’M THE GHOST YOU’RE GONNA  
NEED THE MOST  
YOU NEED A DEMON WHO'S SMART  
(DIES IRAE)

HELPING YOU MASTER THE ART  
(DIES IRAE)  
SO HOW ‘BOUT WE ALL MAKE A 

START  
ON THE WHOLE, YOU KNOW, LET’S FACE IT  
AH AH AH  
AH AH AH  
DIES  
IRAE AH AH  
MOURNERS (cont'd) Beedajuice & MOURNERS 

GOD I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR A SHOW ABOUT DEATH! (Applause. Beedajuice smokes a cigarette.)


End file.
